I’ve Got Dragon Ass
January 10, 2008 by Cass
I was standing out in a torrential downpour at 4 o’clock this morning, thinking about cables on a v-neck line.
The Uberdog’s delicate digestive system kept me up last night. (Note here please: we feed our dogs NOTHING but dog food. NO people food allowed, I’ve seen too many dogs lost to pancreatitis to EVER feed my dogs scraps. But Uberdog still manages to get the runs.)
Anyhow, I’m standing out back with my hood up, hunched over, cold, wet- and thinking about how to wrap a cable around a neck line on my vest. I was engrossed. I was in that no-sleep-and-too-late-to-get-any-now zone, and my eyes were glazed over and my brain was moving slow. I didn’t see the man behind the pine tree until he stepped out.
I’m not sure who jumped the highest or screamed the loudest- me or the Uberwimp. I wasn’t about to stand there and find out who he was, so I tried to run to the house. But my feet did that cartoon thing- I ran in place in the muck. My feet were scurrying like crazy, but I wasn’t going anywhere. Finally the Uberpansy pulled me forward and I don’t think my feet touched the ground again til we hit the back porch.
Of course, when I say “hit the back porch”, I mean that literally. My knees hit the back porch, but the Uberchicken didn’t slow, so I was dragged up the steps and into the house. That felt so good, I’ll want to do that again later when I’m alone and can properly enjoy the sensation.
My neighbor apologized to my husband for scaring me. Said he was just walking to get his paper. I never realized my 75 year old neighbor looked so much like a psychotic crazed serial killer. Why was he holding a hatchet AND a bloody club? (I swear he was. Really.)
Now that the adrenaline has worn off, I’ve got a serious case of Dragon Ass. (no, not the same thing that the Ubergoober has. I mean “My ass is draggin’.”) No sleep, plus bruised knees, plus wet cold weather equals Dragon Ass Cass.
I still need to figure out how to wrap a cable around this neck-line. Today might not be the best day to do that.
Poor you! I admit that I would have reacted in a similar way, though… although your way of telling it had me in tears of laughter
I recommend a hot cup of coffee, maybe with a dash of vodka inside (just for medicinal purposes, of course…), a warm blanket, and the solution to the cable on the v-neck may materialize soon!
(((big hugs))) Maybe you can sneak in a nap this afternoon…
I’m imagining a great story about your neighbor’s secret life (you DID see a hatchet) and how he carries out his evil deeds while wearing a sweater with a cable around the neck…
I hate when i get surprised like that - it always results in some kind of injury.
I hope you get some rest today and perhaps a shot or two will help take your mind off of the bruised knees.
I love your stories (although they’re at your expense or injury)
Following Miss T’s line of thought, the news headline would read:
“Cabled To Death”
LOL
Your neighbor should apologize in Vodka.
Cass - I swear you crack me up! I want a series along the lines of Erin’s (of Dress a Day fame) Secret Lives of Dresses (link can be found here http://www.dressaday.com/2006/09/secret-lives-of-dresses-vol-8.html). Only you would do Secret Lives of Sweaters and your’s would by funny!!!
Hope that both you and the ubberdog feel better soon. g
I’ve been reading this blog daily and it’s really fantastic– I’m so glad that you post every day!
Zoning out and doing mental knitting does make one prone to accidents. I’ve found that to be true, anyway.
of course this could have only happened to you.
You know that right?
uberdog might be uber in the runs dept, but not in the protect-cass-from-strange-men dept it seems
Holy cow Cass!! You truly do not need to look for trouble…. it just finds you!
[...] swear, it was right there. The crack of it hurt my ears. Both dogs bolted for the porch, but (as I’ve noted before) a scared dog runs faster than a clumsy knitter, and I hit the steps while tripping. Lucky for [...]