Famous Last Words

There are many of them. Things like “Look out!” or “Don’t step in that.” I always step in it. And if you tell me to look out, invariably it causes me to just get hit in the eye instead of the head. One of my favorites is “Watch it!” Watch what? I look around for “it” and wind up getting run over by a truck.

Or a teenage boy, as was the case yesterday at the bowling alley. I’m famous for looking one direction while walking in the opposite direction. Yesterday I was distracted by the guy with the chain running between his eyebrow and his lip. I was studying him as I walked by, and one of his friends was studying the girl with the ubershort shorts as she walked by, and we collided. Hard. I heard “Hey!” and then next thing I knew I was falling backward after bouncing off of the dude’s chest. I know better than to pinwheel my arms- there’s much more padding on my ass than my wrists, so I tend to just land on it and keep my tongue away from my teeth. But I didn’t count on the low table that was behind me.

It hit me just behind the knees, like it was designed for the express purpose of flipping me through the air, and causing me to land on the back of my head. It did its job perfectly. I went ass over teakettle to land in a puddle of spilled beer. And to make matters more humiliating, it was bad beer. Bud Light, even. (shiver)

There follows a moment of stunned silence after such a spectacular fall. I hear that moment all the time. Then, usually, someone offers me a hand and says “OMG Are you okay?”

But not this time. After the stunned moment of silence, the first thing I heard was “DUDE.” And then laughter.

They did help me up though, and offered to buy me a beer. Since I was there with my daughter’s teenage friends, I declined. As I limped away, I heard them retelling the happening as if it hadn’t just happened. Already they’d embellished and added my shirt flying up (it didn’t). I’m sure by the end of the night, the story included all of my clothes coming off.

I don’t think the smell of bad beer (which billowed around me for the rest of the night) got on my mom’s sock.

I had a panic attack yesterday when I realized that if I followed the instructions as written, the heel of this puppy was going to be crazy long. So I went to Ravelry, natch. And the sock knitters there assured me that if I trusted the pattern, it would all be right in the end. So I’m soldiering on. But doesn’t this heel look freakishly long?

You can see why I panicked. But now I’ve turned the heel (MAGIC! Jazz hands!) and I’m working on the foot. I’m trusting the pattern. (I don’t have time to do anything else!) I have to assume that Cookie A. knows a thing or two about knitting socks.

And other famous last words, of my very own, “I’ll be back later today with the winners.” I did draw winners on Thursday, but haven’t time to post them. Shame on me!

1. Spazzmandawon the Jelby Sheep Stitch Markers.

2. Katie (One Scheme of Happiness) won the Born to Knit pendant.

3. Amy won the knitting project bag.

4. Monica won the Knitting pendant from Surly.

5. Christy won the Needles.

And Casey won a ton of advice, whether she wants it or not. Thank you SO MUCH for playing along. I can’t wait for #666. Large fun will be had by all.

WINNERS- email me your mailing info to petsittt (at) aol (dot) com. A couple of the items will be mailed direct from the maker, and a few will come from my house.